Whom Abuse Is Rampant
The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation
Whom Abuse Is Rampant
Consider the humble pronoun. It seems that fewer and fewer Americans know when to say “she” or “he” or “me” instead of “her,” “him,” or “I.”
It used to be that little Gloria would run home and tell her mother, “Me ’n’ Annie saw a walrus!” Whereupon her mom would say, “ ‘Annie and I,’ dear.” Now, alas, Gloria’s mother thinks “me ’n’ Annie” is just fine.
So why is it that so many pronoun-challenged Americans are infatuated with whom? It’s a word that’s become exotic and mysterious, and people say it when they want to sound authoritative, because even if they’re misusing it, chances are their listeners won’t know.
Let’s get technical. The pronoun who is always subjective. Use who wherever you would use the subjective pronouns I, he, she, we, or they. It is correct to say Who wants to go? because we would say She wants to go or We want to go.
The pronoun whom is always an object. Use whom wherever you would use the objective pronouns me, him, her, us, or them. It is not correct to say Who did you choose? We would say Whom because you choose me or him or them.
A handy memory aid: who = he, whom = him.
Here is an all-too-common misuse of whom: He is a man whom I believe can do the job. The writer chose whom, thinking it was the object of believe. But look what happens when we rearrange the sentence: He is a man whom can do the job, I believe. Obviously, the proper word is who.
Compare that with He is a man who I admire. Because we would say I admire him, the sentence should read He is a man whom I admire.
The key to mastering whom comes down to knowing the difference between a subject and an object.
POP QUIZ
1. Who/whom do you think will win the prize?
2. Who/whom do you think you’ll vote for?
3. She is someone who/whom I always counted on.
4. She is someone who/whom I always said could be counted on.
5. Who/whom are you going to believe?
QUIZ ANSWERS
1. Who do you think will win the prize? (they will)
2. Whom do you think you’ll vote for? (for him)
3. She is someone whom I always counted on. (I counted on her)
4. She is someone who I always said could be counted on. (she could be counted on)
5. Whom are you going to believe? (you’re going to believe me)
If the article or the existing discussions do not address a thought or question you have on the subject, please use the "Comment" box at the bottom of this page.
Which is correct to say: Who/Whom do you say that I am?
Since you need to use the subject form, write “Who do you say that I am?” Using the he/him technique, you would say “you say that I am he.”
I hear this one all the time using ‘whom’. It sounds wrong, but it always confuses me: He (who/whom) has nothing is happiest.
I think it should be ‘who’ because the question is: Who has nothing? A: He has nothing => Who. Am I correct? Thanks!
You are correct.
Which of these is correct:
“For someone whom is so happy with himself…”
“For someone who is so happy with himself…”
I would have thought “who” would be correct, is that right?
Yes, the subject pronoun who is correct .
“Whom do men say that I am?” The scholars who compiled the Authorized Version (including the three Synoptic Gospels where this or a similar phrase appears) certainly knew their grammar. However, they were not limited by it, particularly when considering the sound of the spoken word. “Who do …” sounds a little raw. The accusative form might also have been used in deference to the Greek original (Tina …?) and the familiar Vulgate (Quem …?), both of which the writers had at hand and both of which texts might be more literally translated as “Whom do men say me to be?” This is an example in those classical languages of a grammatical construction called “indirect discourse” used instead of the more common English construction “Who do men say that I am?”
Is “whom” the correct choice in both sentences below? Using the “who/he,” “whom/him” trick, could you explain why? The second one is especially problematic.
(1) “John is separated from his wife and two teenage sons, whom he blames for the split.”
(He blames “him” for the split; hence, “whom,” I believe, is undoubtedly correct.)
(2) “John is separated from his wife and two teenage sons, all of whom blame him for the split.”
(This one is confusing when using the trick. “He blames him for the split,” so one would think, when employing the trick, that “who” is correct [“. . . all of who blame him for the split]. But “who,” in this context, certainly sounds incorrect to my ear. How do you explain that “whom” is, in fact, correct here using the “who/he,” “whom/him” trick?)
(3) The line, whom all revered, was walked alone.
(I believe this one should be “who,” not “whom.” Am I right?)
You can also think of your sentences in terms of subject (who) or object (whom).
(1) “whom” is the object of “blames”: …whom he blames for the split.
(2) “whom” is the object of “of” (“all” is the subject): …all of whom blame him for the split.
(3) Who and whom are used for persons: The line, which all revered, was walked alone.
Which of these is correct,
“He whom always be the first person to know…were….”
Or
“He who always be the first person to know…were…”
From what we can tell, neither one is grammatically correct. We need to see a complete sentence to give a recommendation.
Did I hear Matt Damon use ‘whom’ as a subject of a verb in “Martian”?
I only watched it once but I’m quite sure I heard it!
What is going on?
Alas, people misuse whom all the time. Send us the quotation you mean.
Which of these is correct?
“Joe is not happy with whom he is.”
Or
“Joe is not happy with who he is.”
(Meaning that he is not happy with himself, not referring to another person).
I think that “who” is correct because “who he is” is an independent clause and not the object of “with”. My grandma does not agree.
You are correct.
Dear GrammarBook,
I’m having great difficulty with the following complex sentences (the first of which I heard recently on television) using ‘he/him’ and ‘who/whom’:
1) I have spent some months bonding with he/him whom I thought to be my son. (I thought him to be my son.)
Should it be ‘he’ or ‘him’? I thought the objective case was used after a preposition, or does that rule not apply here because ‘he’ is part of the subordinate/dependent clause, not the main one, and the whole subordinate clause is the indirect object.
Also, is the usage of ‘whom’ in this sentence correct?
2) I have spent some months bonding with he/him, who was my son’s friend.
Should it be ‘he’ or ‘him’? I think ‘who’ should be used here because one would say ‘He was my son’s friend’, therefore ‘… who was my son’s friend’.
3) I have spent some months bonding with he/him, who/whom I thought was my son. (I thought [that] he was my son.)
Should it be ‘he’ or ‘him’, and ‘who’ or ‘whom’?
I would have thought the answers were ‘… with he whom I thought …’, in which case the ‘who-he/whom-him’ aid would not apply here (as one wouldn’t say ‘I thought [that] him was my son’).
Thank you.
1) I have spent some months bonding with him whom I thought to be my son. (I thought him to be my son.) Only in rare and special cases will you find a sentence in which a subject pronoun (“with who”) could be correct after a preposition. That is why we have the phrase “OBJECT of a preposition.” Therefore:
2) I have spent some months bonding with him, who was my son’s friend.
3) I have spent some months bonding with him, who I thought was my son. (who was my son, I thought.)
I’m a bit confused. Why did the first example take “Whom” yet the third example took “Who”, even though the structure is almost identical?
Would it be that in the first example, the verb “Thought” was used a transitive verb, but in the third example it was intransitively?
Yes.
I have a complicated grammar sentence from an ESL book.
The book says:
“Here is one thing you can easily do in your daily life to practice this: Throw a party for your friends and tell them to come as the person WHO/WHOM they want to be in 10 years.”
I thought it should be “whom” because “the person” appears to be the object — the thing which “my friends” want to be. When I try to change it into a question, I have:
“Who/whom does you friend want to be?”
“My friend wants to be him.” “Him” is an object.
Nobody seems to agree with me, and I can’t fully understand their explanation as to why it should be “who.” Does it have something to do with the verb “to be?”
Thanks.
The answer is “who.” Formal English requires the following: “Who do you want to be?” “I want to be he.” The verb to be is a linking or copulative verb. Such verbs do not take objects.
It used to be that little Gloria would run home and tell her mother, “Me ’n’ Annie saw a walrus!” Whereupon her mom would say, “ ‘Annie and I,’ dear.” Now, alas, Gloria’s mother thinks “me ’n’ Annie” is just fine.
Actually, in my experience, Gloria’s mother thinks that “Annie and I” is always correct, no matter where it falls in the sentence. Example: “Thank you for all the help you gave Annie and I.” And when she corrects Gloria, she won’t be able to explain why she’s making the correction (and the “correction” will not always be correct).
Pop quiz 5: Whom/Who are you going to believe?
I agree the response would be ‘I am going to believe HIM’.
But since elementary, we’ve been taught to use ‘Who’.
‘Whom’? Really?
You were taught incorrectly. The pronoun whom is always an object. Use whom wherever you would use the objective pronouns me, him, her, us, or them.
My perfect match will be a gentleman who everyone admires. (Who or Whom)?
Everyone admires him. Therefore, whom is correct. (Also see Who vs. Whom.)
Which is correct?
The man, who was dearly loved, ran for office.
Or
The man, whom was dearly loved, ran for office.
who
Trying to figure out if I should keep the word that or switch to whom.
I think you’re a good person that I didn’t spend the time to get to know very well.
Whom is preferred when referring to people, but that is also acceptable. See our post Who vs. That for more information.
As my mother and aunts would say, “Never end a sentence with a preposition”
2. Whom do you think you’ll vote for? (for him)
For whom do you think you will vote’?
Our Rule 1 of Prepositions says, “A preposition generally, but not always, goes before its noun or pronoun. One of the undying myths of English grammar is that you may not end a sentence with a preposition. But look at the first example that follows. No one should feel compelled to say, or even write, That is something with which I cannot agree. Just do not use extra prepositions when the meaning is clear without them.
Correct: That is something I cannot agree with.
Correct: Where did you get this?
Incorrect: Where did you get this at?
Correct: How many of you can I depend on?
Correct: Where did he go?
Incorrect: Where did he go to?”
Also, please see our post Don’t End a Sentence with a Preposition—Where Did This Myth Come From?
Thanks for the handy memory aid! I have a four-year degree in English literature, but this particular thing was always a bit of a mystery to me. Thanks!
I always get confused whenever I talk about (things) that belong to people not a singular person.
Example: Whose journeys are being unearthed in different countries.
Here I am not talking about a singular person but plural, and I don’t know if I have made a grammatical error or not.
The possessive pronoun whose can be used to describe both one person and more than one.
Examples:
The presentation is about travelers whose journeys are being unearthed in different countries.
The presentation is about a traveler whose journeys are being unearthed in different countries.
Is “It’s you whom I crush with” correct?
We assume you mean crush in the sense of “infatuation” rather than “pulverizing.” We suggest:
It’s you on whom I have a crush. OR I have a crush on you.